picture worth thousand words check this out
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Jokes
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’. In the first year, ‘s’ will replace
the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards
kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’. During ze fifz yer, ze
unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
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What a SHOT…….. ……… ……… . A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog in chandni chowk area of New Delhi. When the dog is about to bite the woman, the man intervenes and kicks the dog. A Times of India reporter was seeing all this. He said”That was great.I’ll definitely publish this in our newspaper. Tomorrow the headline will be ‘LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG’.” The man replied “Thank you, but I’m not from here. I am from US”. Reporter said ” OK. Then the headline will be US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG”. Man: Actually, I live in US but I’m not a US citizen.I’m a Pakistani national by origin”. Next day, the headline in the paper read …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. Pakistani Terrorist ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG.
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:
“If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would ! run on only five
percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation”
warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
l ifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio
antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off. ”
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:
“If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would ! run on only five
percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation”
warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
l ifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio
antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off. ”
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1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u – u love your daughter – so I love your daughter.
2) Its funny when people discuss over “love marriage” and “arranged marriage”
It is like asking a person if he would like to “hang himself” o”shoot himself”.
3) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
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